I never really knew how much Death surrounds me every day. If you really pay attention, you can start to scare yourself. Most of the time when I get up to go to school, I'm the only one in the house. I usually shower every day, and sometimes, the shower floor is really slippery, If i don't take precautions, i could slip and something unfortunate could happen, hit my head on the corner on the way down, fall the wrong way, anything. The Drive to school is the worst because apparently, any idiot can get a license nowadays. i can't count how many times some asshole has almost gotten into an accident with me because their dumb ass doesn't know how to use a turn signal. Since I drive for my job, I always take the extra precautions to make sure I am at least being the safe one. I always drive by Crown Hill Cemetery on my way to school, which means I am passing thousands of bodies which death has claimed, and he claims more each day that passes.
The fear of death keeps me from experiencing some really exiting moments in life. I used to not really care about living when I was younger and would do alot of destructive stuff to my body. Im pretty sure taking all those "triple c's" in high school is what caused me to have a weird speech problem. I remember taking them almost everyday during my sophomore year , and that is fucking crazy considering this one person took them only once and died because every body is different, so how was I not worried that the first time it took them would probably be my last? I also used to drink and drive alot, some times, I would just wake up in bed the next day and not even remember driving home, which is scary, considering my drunk ass could have injured not only myself but others during those periods of binge drinking. Nowadays, I have thought about it more and am more cautious about doing all of that. I no longer take drugs because I don't even know what will happen to me or how much more my body can take. I sometimes won't even leave the house to enjoy social gatherings because I don't want to drink and drive even if it is just a little bit. I guess you could say, the worry death keeps me from experiencing life.
The worry of death is useful in my life. It has kept me alive and has changed my life. After getting into an accident while intoxicated, I have not been the same. It feels like a part of my brain has woken up and has taken over trying to keep me safe. I no longer get blackout drunk anymore, no matter how drunk I get, a little part of my brain is always conscious of what is going on around me and will not let me black out no more. I have also changed my lifestyle completely. I used to not have anything worth living for, or so I thought. Now that I am getting my life together, I have so much to live for, that I can't just let it end. I have overcome so many deadly obstacles that life has thrown at me and I have managed to survive all of them, If death has a plan for us all, then he wants me alive until the time is right for him to come and reap my soul.
Death has really affected my creativity. After experiencing close encounters to it, my mind has really opened up to thinking about the afterlife and what is to come after the end. It helps me be more creative and to think way outside the box because you never know who else could be thinking of these ideas. If you are the only one who is thinking of a certain idea then you die, that idea dies with you, for no one else to know. I feel like since I came close to death, my mind has changed in the way I think. I feel like I am not a normal person, which I am happy with because I don't think many people would ever be able to think of all the thoughts i have thought in my lifetime, which has changed me and the way I view the world. I would love to be a videographer who is known to be brave because of the lengths he will go to obtain rare footage that most wouldn't even dare to obtain. In risky places or situations, death can motivate me to be alert and on my feet.
Death takes form for me as corpses. When you die, you leave behind a shell of yourself. It is really weird to see someone who you used to know become lifeless and not moving. You say goodbye to them and then they get buried in a hole in the ground. They remain there until they begin to rot, that is when decomposition takes place. It is so frighting to imagine how someone rots in the ground, maggots eating their flesh and leaving behind a pile of bones.We don't get to see many people decomposing because we bury them, but just seeing anything decomposing is freaking scary.
Fear of Death from Osvaldo Ayala on Vimeo.
After doing this project, I feel like I can use death as a motivation. Since this lifetime could be taken away in an instant, then why not do whatever you can to enjoy it? You only get one life and spending it afraid to do anything because you are afraid of death is no way to live. I wanna take some risk, I wanna have fun, I want to enjoy my life because if what follows is eternal darkness, then I hope I still have the memories to relive. Once we die, we rot and go into the ground, but we go back into the earth to make way for new life. I want to enjoy my life up here doing what I love, and knowing that it can all be taken away so suddenly is motivation enough to live for today.
No comments:
Post a Comment